Its weird...
sitting at home on a bright sunny Wednesday afternoon, with totally nth to do at home.

Its happy...
Finally got guitar hero world tour plus the drum set~ waited for like 2 whole months for it...
blame my brother as has to wait till his exams to finish...

Its ironic...
Being at home, I am sweating like a pig... must be too used to air-con from camp and site. At home there is no air-con... At duty even when I sleep there is air-con.
(I love/hate being at home...)

Its funny...
My brother's female friend told him that his younger brother is very handsome... That must really be joke of the year man... wahahaha... (maybe my brother is pulling my leg...)

Its retarded...
I am so wasting my off... so wish that I have someone to accompany me now...

Its confusing/unsure...
Little did I know, I came to realize, I was always waiting for u to online...

Its coming...
2 more weeks... 2 more weeks and I get to see snow in Korea!

Its saddening...
My freaking platoon up till now still could not successfully organize a platoon outing... cannot blame cause we 24/7 but not everyone are keen about it.

Its heavy...
I still fat... no matter how I try... rebuilding failed terribly...

Its lonely...
I'm still single... someone told me that she enjoys to be single... whats so good about it?

Missed lots of Past...
Failed to grab the present...
Can't see the future...
Life wasted...

I am blogging once again...

Canceled the idea of making this a photo blog as I myself do not own a camera and I really do not cam whore thou i like taking pictures lol...

will fark care about the style and English i type here as this is blog is now going to let me vent and process my thoughts.

Not mend for anyone to read so if anyone who come here please close this window.

Life good, life bad haha...

what the shit right? well I really confused...

I always thought I have grown after all I am 21 now but that's not really the case and my hands are still tight thou it is looser now.

a few things i still do not get it...

things like:
1) my family and parents!
2) myself
3)my so called love-life and relationship

I am grateful and fortunate just like those people who refers me as 'got money people'...

But that's not me...

I do not starve, I got clothes to wear... there's nth else I would really ask for...

But as i grow older, the sense of my individuality kicks in, I so want to be independent thou it is the harder route and I may fall in the end.

Every money I spend of my parents I am really guilty cause it is their hard earn money...

I really ashame to have to depend on them to pay for my everyday needs as I am now earning.
Yes, it is just merely $500 but I am living pretty well.

the last thing I need them to pay is the school fees for my university which a lot but i swear i will pay them back. ( really taking it as a bank loan with interest free, or a scholarship which I was awarded so I will treasure it... and study hard this time... after all it is the last stretch of road.)

after enlisting into army, I got so much free time in my life that it really starts to get bored... if I were studying, it will be so darn cool as at least I would have something to do, something to focus on unlike army which is not what I want in life.

I miss studying...... haha i dun even believe myself... but i do....

I STILL FREAKING HATE PEOPLE WHO SAY that my parents are my money and if they every *** those will be mine, thou there are truth in it but it still farking farking sux......
MAY U ALL BURN IN HELL...
they will still be my parents even if they are poor...
maybe if they are poor, I would not be so lay back as to what I am today...

If oneday I am poor... my kids will sure grubble as to how poor I am and how come his dad is not rich lol.... IRONY~

will cont soon on wed...

always felt like shouting, shouting my lungs out.
always felt like crying, crying my heart out.
so that's what I am doing now.
as I do not need to be strong...
Just being myself...
doing the things I want to do...
I am who I am...
So dun u farking tell me what to do...
My life will change from this point onwards...

Back from Taiwan!!!

20 days away from Singapore... PHEW~

Pok finally an officer! <>

PROUD OF HIM!!! really...

Just kinda worried that if she make so much sacrifices, in the end within the 3 months she realise she could not live with him, it will gonna have another big problem.

Maybe I worry too much...

all the best to her... =D

Day 1 in the change of my life...

It happen again...

everything just comes back again, and I and just acting strong now...

FISH IT...

two meaning of misses (I believe I blog it long time ago)

what if....?

agrhhhhhhhh

just a whim ME!

Nothing is working for me...

gonna have a hard night sleeping again...

These dreams that I am having...

It happen again...

more frequent, more realistic...

Dreams that makes me never want to wake up...

Causing pain and sorrow once I does realize my true reality...

So often... So random...

Every time it does not fail to weigh down my chest making it hard to breath or concentrate...

Will be thinking about it for days...

at least until it subsided... or work that keeps my mind busy.

Guessed this is the torment...

That what I longer desire and long for, that is not mine to have.

No longer could I find words to describe how I feel or how I could express it out or release it.

Perhaps this are the stains and residue that could not be washed away, that are permanent.

Stuck in between....

Her

Long time eh?

Got a story to share...

It's a story about the bird and the fish.

One day, the bird was flying over the pond and he saw the fish swimming around the pond. Panic suddenly rush through the bird's spine.

He thought, ' OMG there is a creature trap in the water!'

Instantly, he dive through the air and used his claws to grab hold of the fish out of the pond. It was no easy task as the fish struggles to break free of the bird's grabs.

Thinking that the fish must have been really lack of oxygen for long period that's why it keeps struggling, the bird tries to claim the fish down asking it to stop struggle.

moments later, the fish stop moving... it died.

Moral of the story:
- Never try to save[Change] something that does not need to be save[change].
- Not everyones/everything is the same.
- Not everything is just what it seems like.

and yeah... I am talking about relationship again...

Second story...

This story is about a bird and a fish again.

Swimming in the pond peacefully just like what he's been doing everyday, the fish wondered what he could do to add more excitement to his life.

Just then, a bird flew past him and he envied the bird being able to roam freely in the skies without boundaries whereas, he himself is trap and confined in just this tiny pond.

The fish leap high, the fish dead within moments as he landed on a grass patch.

Moral of the story:
- be contented with who you are.
- no point trying to imitate others, just be yourself.
- you maybe better and unique just in a different way.

And this story is about me.
(sometimes I felt I tried to fit in to be just like everyone else... no real own identity)

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Life is good... couldn't be any better wouldn't ask for anything more... just a little lonely...

*Highlight*
Going to operation SKYLIGHT 08 real soon... on 22 of may...
Free Taiwan trip =D hope everything goes smoothly...

Met up with poly mates gosh a lot has changed yet nth has changed...
I really really want to study university now. Nothing else really matters...

Feeling freaking lonely now, must have contracted the disease from my sir.
He everyday in camp complaint he has no girlfriend.

I thought I had immune myself to love again (childish and idiotic right?)
But the urge just came back again...
It will be good to have a girlfriend again...
Someone to love to pamper to take care to be love back in return...

Still thinks of the past a lot... but is just think and not lingering...
sweet sweet memories...

Doubt will have the courage to jio a girl again...
But must try... where/how do I start?
who?

Finally understand that ADMIRATION does not equals to LOVE...
how stupid was I?

An official off day woohoo...

I earn it okay? after completing my very first site duty of 3 days, I am awarded with 3 days off...
1st day change over ( so halfday gone...), then the rest of the two days falls on weekends... stupid right? agrhhh....

But still great to be at home lar...

Site duty at tekong can say super slack and life is good!
if nth goes wrong, one day i only need to work about 5hrs.... and the rest i can sleep =D
but if things goes wrong then gg... 3am also no need sleep...

I also sway lar, now alpha crew is in operation!!!!! have to suffer for 6months until they change crew to bravo or chalie then can breath lol....

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Haiz valentine days just zip pass again...
14 of feb and I have to be alone once again just like the passed 21years lol...
When will I ever get a female companion to celebrate with me?
or is it because I nv find one?
lonely lonely valentine...

Passed 2 years celebrate with lee... this year I gay with 12 other guys in site doing duty... What could be better?

Females always feel that valentine are a special occasion for them and they always want to celebrate it. But do they ever think that males also have the same feeling?
Females always wait and hope that someone will give them flowers or do things to make them special during valentine but do they ever give a thought that if they do something for their guy, their guy will be very touched and happy too?

And I've always believe love is both side.... bullshit... (Just a piece of mind...)

When? When will I ever celebrate a valentine with a girl? goshhh...
(I sound desprate? maybe I am...)

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Another boring weekend/off...

just duno what to do to entertain myself.... to keep myself alive....

Never trouble trouble till trouble trouble you...