Its weird...
sitting at home on a bright sunny Wednesday afternoon, with totally nth to do at home.

Its happy...
Finally got guitar hero world tour plus the drum set~ waited for like 2 whole months for it...
blame my brother as has to wait till his exams to finish...

Its ironic...
Being at home, I am sweating like a pig... must be too used to air-con from camp and site. At home there is no air-con... At duty even when I sleep there is air-con.
(I love/hate being at home...)

Its funny...
My brother's female friend told him that his younger brother is very handsome... That must really be joke of the year man... wahahaha... (maybe my brother is pulling my leg...)

Its retarded...
I am so wasting my off... so wish that I have someone to accompany me now...

Its confusing/unsure...
Little did I know, I came to realize, I was always waiting for u to online...

Its coming...
2 more weeks... 2 more weeks and I get to see snow in Korea!

Its saddening...
My freaking platoon up till now still could not successfully organize a platoon outing... cannot blame cause we 24/7 but not everyone are keen about it.

Its heavy...
I still fat... no matter how I try... rebuilding failed terribly...

Its lonely...
I'm still single... someone told me that she enjoys to be single... whats so good about it?

Missed lots of Past...
Failed to grab the present...
Can't see the future...
Life wasted...

I am blogging once again...

Canceled the idea of making this a photo blog as I myself do not own a camera and I really do not cam whore thou i like taking pictures lol...

will fark care about the style and English i type here as this is blog is now going to let me vent and process my thoughts.

Not mend for anyone to read so if anyone who come here please close this window.

Life good, life bad haha...

what the shit right? well I really confused...

I always thought I have grown after all I am 21 now but that's not really the case and my hands are still tight thou it is looser now.

a few things i still do not get it...

things like:
1) my family and parents!
2) myself
3)my so called love-life and relationship

I am grateful and fortunate just like those people who refers me as 'got money people'...

But that's not me...

I do not starve, I got clothes to wear... there's nth else I would really ask for...

But as i grow older, the sense of my individuality kicks in, I so want to be independent thou it is the harder route and I may fall in the end.

Every money I spend of my parents I am really guilty cause it is their hard earn money...

I really ashame to have to depend on them to pay for my everyday needs as I am now earning.
Yes, it is just merely $500 but I am living pretty well.

the last thing I need them to pay is the school fees for my university which a lot but i swear i will pay them back. ( really taking it as a bank loan with interest free, or a scholarship which I was awarded so I will treasure it... and study hard this time... after all it is the last stretch of road.)

after enlisting into army, I got so much free time in my life that it really starts to get bored... if I were studying, it will be so darn cool as at least I would have something to do, something to focus on unlike army which is not what I want in life.

I miss studying...... haha i dun even believe myself... but i do....

I STILL FREAKING HATE PEOPLE WHO SAY that my parents are my money and if they every *** those will be mine, thou there are truth in it but it still farking farking sux......
MAY U ALL BURN IN HELL...
they will still be my parents even if they are poor...
maybe if they are poor, I would not be so lay back as to what I am today...

If oneday I am poor... my kids will sure grubble as to how poor I am and how come his dad is not rich lol.... IRONY~

will cont soon on wed...

always felt like shouting, shouting my lungs out.
always felt like crying, crying my heart out.
so that's what I am doing now.
as I do not need to be strong...
Just being myself...
doing the things I want to do...
I am who I am...
So dun u farking tell me what to do...
My life will change from this point onwards...

Back from Taiwan!!!

20 days away from Singapore... PHEW~

Pok finally an officer! <>

PROUD OF HIM!!! really...

Just kinda worried that if she make so much sacrifices, in the end within the 3 months she realise she could not live with him, it will gonna have another big problem.

Maybe I worry too much...

all the best to her... =D

Day 1 in the change of my life...

It happen again...

everything just comes back again, and I and just acting strong now...

FISH IT...

two meaning of misses (I believe I blog it long time ago)

what if....?

agrhhhhhhhh

just a whim ME!

Nothing is working for me...

gonna have a hard night sleeping again...

These dreams that I am having...

It happen again...

more frequent, more realistic...

Dreams that makes me never want to wake up...

Causing pain and sorrow once I does realize my true reality...

So often... So random...

Every time it does not fail to weigh down my chest making it hard to breath or concentrate...

Will be thinking about it for days...

at least until it subsided... or work that keeps my mind busy.

Guessed this is the torment...

That what I longer desire and long for, that is not mine to have.

No longer could I find words to describe how I feel or how I could express it out or release it.

Perhaps this are the stains and residue that could not be washed away, that are permanent.

Stuck in between....

Her

Long time eh?

Got a story to share...

It's a story about the bird and the fish.

One day, the bird was flying over the pond and he saw the fish swimming around the pond. Panic suddenly rush through the bird's spine.

He thought, ' OMG there is a creature trap in the water!'

Instantly, he dive through the air and used his claws to grab hold of the fish out of the pond. It was no easy task as the fish struggles to break free of the bird's grabs.

Thinking that the fish must have been really lack of oxygen for long period that's why it keeps struggling, the bird tries to claim the fish down asking it to stop struggle.

moments later, the fish stop moving... it died.

Moral of the story:
- Never try to save[Change] something that does not need to be save[change].
- Not everyones/everything is the same.
- Not everything is just what it seems like.

and yeah... I am talking about relationship again...

Second story...

This story is about a bird and a fish again.

Swimming in the pond peacefully just like what he's been doing everyday, the fish wondered what he could do to add more excitement to his life.

Just then, a bird flew past him and he envied the bird being able to roam freely in the skies without boundaries whereas, he himself is trap and confined in just this tiny pond.

The fish leap high, the fish dead within moments as he landed on a grass patch.

Moral of the story:
- be contented with who you are.
- no point trying to imitate others, just be yourself.
- you maybe better and unique just in a different way.

And this story is about me.
(sometimes I felt I tried to fit in to be just like everyone else... no real own identity)

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Life is good... couldn't be any better wouldn't ask for anything more... just a little lonely...

*Highlight*
Going to operation SKYLIGHT 08 real soon... on 22 of may...
Free Taiwan trip =D hope everything goes smoothly...

Met up with poly mates gosh a lot has changed yet nth has changed...
I really really want to study university now. Nothing else really matters...

Feeling freaking lonely now, must have contracted the disease from my sir.
He everyday in camp complaint he has no girlfriend.

I thought I had immune myself to love again (childish and idiotic right?)
But the urge just came back again...
It will be good to have a girlfriend again...
Someone to love to pamper to take care to be love back in return...

Still thinks of the past a lot... but is just think and not lingering...
sweet sweet memories...

Doubt will have the courage to jio a girl again...
But must try... where/how do I start?
who?

Finally understand that ADMIRATION does not equals to LOVE...
how stupid was I?

An official off day woohoo...

I earn it okay? after completing my very first site duty of 3 days, I am awarded with 3 days off...
1st day change over ( so halfday gone...), then the rest of the two days falls on weekends... stupid right? agrhhh....

But still great to be at home lar...

Site duty at tekong can say super slack and life is good!
if nth goes wrong, one day i only need to work about 5hrs.... and the rest i can sleep =D
but if things goes wrong then gg... 3am also no need sleep...

I also sway lar, now alpha crew is in operation!!!!! have to suffer for 6months until they change crew to bravo or chalie then can breath lol....

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Haiz valentine days just zip pass again...
14 of feb and I have to be alone once again just like the passed 21years lol...
When will I ever get a female companion to celebrate with me?
or is it because I nv find one?
lonely lonely valentine...

Passed 2 years celebrate with lee... this year I gay with 12 other guys in site doing duty... What could be better?

Females always feel that valentine are a special occasion for them and they always want to celebrate it. But do they ever think that males also have the same feeling?
Females always wait and hope that someone will give them flowers or do things to make them special during valentine but do they ever give a thought that if they do something for their guy, their guy will be very touched and happy too?

And I've always believe love is both side.... bullshit... (Just a piece of mind...)

When? When will I ever celebrate a valentine with a girl? goshhh...
(I sound desprate? maybe I am...)

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Another boring weekend/off...

just duno what to do to entertain myself.... to keep myself alive....

Never trouble trouble till trouble trouble you...

Chinese new year again....

Every year seems to pass by faster and precious time are wasted as it drift by...

I swear it was just like tml when I recieve my very last red packet and tomorrow I'm gonna eat renuion dinner again lol...

Done nth during the year of the pig... except graduating from poly and work my ass off MDS pharma. Not forgetting finally completed 7-8mths of NS woohoo...

Life going to be even duller as I am split from most of my best army mates... "IC1 platoon" lol...

and returning to 163 SQN where mostly I would work alone or just with few others... agrhhh...

In army I really learn alot of things... and believe me I not long so "naive" and "blur" about the real world, real people... but there are surely more unbelievable things I yet to know off...

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Interruption... just called my sir and confirmed that I could get a half day off tml that means I no need to report to camp on new year eve wahaha... thou nth to do at home also but still song!!!! =D

-------------------------------------break over------------------------------

Very confusing and I have been trying to ponder the the value of relationship once more...

I always envy my friends who have a relationship currently even though they are serving their national service.

Why?

Reason is simple as their relationship has definately moved on to a higher level in terms of tolerence and understanding...

But... those that really have a relationship now does not really treasure their's or at least that is what they they portray to me or maybe they are still a lovey dovey couple who knows...

Why guys are bastards...

simple example my friends explained to me when I asked them why do they still complaint when they have such a loving girlfriend by their side... ( how I wish I got a girl I love to be my girlfriend lol...)

Yes, they still love their girl friend and it is just like they really like to eat chicken rice, but imagine if they eat chicken rice everyday for the past 9mth, 1 year or 2 years they definately will get bored of it and would like to eat some porriage or wanton mee somtimes...

logical speaking it is true... and I get their point but it is just so not right... ( guess it just applies to me and they won the arguement...)

Why girls are bitches?

my friend fought so hard to get a 8-5posting so that he could spent more time with his girlfriend but in the end, the girl friend wants to break up as she feels lack of security and want to settle down fast...

She tells my friend if they want to patch, they have to buy a flat and get married... isn't that ridiculous?

she purposly knows that he does not have the capabilities to do so at the current moment as he is serving ns and yet she propose such things to him....

My silly friend still blames himself that it is his fault as he does not meet up to her requiments that led to the break up...

天理何在?

lol...

My friend told me that in the year of the rat, all those 1987 will have 桃花运 or sakura booming...

hope is true... afterall my parents gave me green light wahahahaa... (in a joking manner >.<)

Where is she?

Who is her?

When will she realised I am just right here waiting for her...

Forever here...

I do exist...

WoooHOOO finally passed my tp...

8points... finally a quailfied SAF driver...

next target is to get a civilian licence lol...

Many things unexpected....

Mostly comes with surprises...

13 of January...

And I am still at my driver course which is supposed to end at 9th of January...
wth happened?

Ashamed to say I failed my tp 2 times...
reason to give myself:
- tester fucked up...
- my driving and observation sux...
- the vehicle sux...
- my own instructor never once encourage me that I will be able to pass my tp instead he keep pouring cold water over me...

More than half of my platoon have dekit and I am one of the few that still stuck here... agrhhh...

MONDAY tp again... gambateyo!!!! RAWR!!!!!

hao sianz now have not recovered from yesterday headach... ouch >.<

Yesterday went to the beach caused zaw zaw aung came back from canada lol...
been ages since i been to beach, would be really nice if I could go to the beach ever now and then... really loved that place...

Everytime I go to the beach, I always pictured myself lying on the sandy beach with my girlfriend late in the night just the two of us looking into the sky, enjoying the sea breeze and looking at the stars.

How freaking perfect and nice it will be...

when will that ever happen lol... *dream*

Been watching suzuka anime series...
gosh see liao really dui but still really nice to watch...

missed out on alot of my friends gathering recently... haiz...

I want to play badminton!!!

loneliness hard to bear...

Year 2008! happy new year....

Life hasn't been much better...

currently is undergoing the driver course and going to take TP next week... (hopefully this time there's no more changes)

Class 4 driving licence haha, is there anything cooler than that? To me, all that I am doing is just "one day pass one day" until the day I ORD and wished that that this year there is a university that will accept me.

Year 2007....

last year, there were a lot of moments thou mostly I personally would rather I forget them.
As jun said, it's a year that we graduated from polytechnic and gotten our diploma cert.

I cried, laugh, was angry, was sad and learned to accept the unacceptable this year...
It's the year I entered army and learned that the world isn't what I pictured it to be...

I fail my last year resolution terribly....

Got myself in to countless of conversation regarding my 'religion or believe', "free thinker"
and in those conversation I sort of understand even further why i chose to be free thinker.
Not like in the earlier days where by it may be just pure ignorance of a supreme and the believe in science that let me into being a free thinker.

Simple put to me, i still believe in science where by all the things just happened naturally cause it all happened at the right place, at the right time. And if I was ever wrong, that there really must be creator of all this, I believe "it" is just the one and only but he is not in the form of Jesus or Buddha but rather he is all the same one... (and maybe "it" is a female too...)
Thus I free think, thus I am a free thinker....

Year 2007,
Met a lot of new people but sadly they are all guyz..,
and the most common topic of all is the opposite---"girls"
and I can 'sompa gua ji gua lan pa' that it will come to a point where they ask,

They: U have a girl friend?
Me: No...
They: cannot be lar u this kind no girl friend...
Me: but really dun have what...
They: liew, I this kind obese also have girl friend u dun have...
Me:....
They: then u surely have girl friend before right?
Me: yeah...
They: how many?
Me: 1...
They: y break? or how long together before u all break?
Me: a few months... I dun even know y I break up...

(after this point, I would get a little emotional or sometimes none at all cause i got rather immune... But everything would just flashed back across... that may cause me to lose sleep over a few nights...)

Me: not compatible bah... though I really loved her & I believe she did love me during that period of time...
They: I see...

One and a half year le bah...
There hasn't been a single day/night I dun think of her even if it's just a second...
Thou I understand and accepted it and even learn to laugh at it...
As I gave myself a reason...

2008 resolution: get a driving licence, get in university, expand social circle and have fun... and if can more than 3, be cool and smile more =D

U were always the one...

it's just that I'm not the one for u...