It happen again...

everything just comes back again, and I and just acting strong now...

FISH IT...

two meaning of misses (I believe I blog it long time ago)

what if....?

agrhhhhhhhh

just a whim ME!

Nothing is working for me...

gonna have a hard night sleeping again...

These dreams that I am having...

It happen again...

more frequent, more realistic...

Dreams that makes me never want to wake up...

Causing pain and sorrow once I does realize my true reality...

So often... So random...

Every time it does not fail to weigh down my chest making it hard to breath or concentrate...

Will be thinking about it for days...

at least until it subsided... or work that keeps my mind busy.

Guessed this is the torment...

That what I longer desire and long for, that is not mine to have.

No longer could I find words to describe how I feel or how I could express it out or release it.

Perhaps this are the stains and residue that could not be washed away, that are permanent.

Stuck in between....

Her

Long time eh?

Got a story to share...

It's a story about the bird and the fish.

One day, the bird was flying over the pond and he saw the fish swimming around the pond. Panic suddenly rush through the bird's spine.

He thought, ' OMG there is a creature trap in the water!'

Instantly, he dive through the air and used his claws to grab hold of the fish out of the pond. It was no easy task as the fish struggles to break free of the bird's grabs.

Thinking that the fish must have been really lack of oxygen for long period that's why it keeps struggling, the bird tries to claim the fish down asking it to stop struggle.

moments later, the fish stop moving... it died.

Moral of the story:
- Never try to save[Change] something that does not need to be save[change].
- Not everyones/everything is the same.
- Not everything is just what it seems like.

and yeah... I am talking about relationship again...

Second story...

This story is about a bird and a fish again.

Swimming in the pond peacefully just like what he's been doing everyday, the fish wondered what he could do to add more excitement to his life.

Just then, a bird flew past him and he envied the bird being able to roam freely in the skies without boundaries whereas, he himself is trap and confined in just this tiny pond.

The fish leap high, the fish dead within moments as he landed on a grass patch.

Moral of the story:
- be contented with who you are.
- no point trying to imitate others, just be yourself.
- you maybe better and unique just in a different way.

And this story is about me.
(sometimes I felt I tried to fit in to be just like everyone else... no real own identity)

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Life is good... couldn't be any better wouldn't ask for anything more... just a little lonely...

*Highlight*
Going to operation SKYLIGHT 08 real soon... on 22 of may...
Free Taiwan trip =D hope everything goes smoothly...

Met up with poly mates gosh a lot has changed yet nth has changed...
I really really want to study university now. Nothing else really matters...

Feeling freaking lonely now, must have contracted the disease from my sir.
He everyday in camp complaint he has no girlfriend.

I thought I had immune myself to love again (childish and idiotic right?)
But the urge just came back again...
It will be good to have a girlfriend again...
Someone to love to pamper to take care to be love back in return...

Still thinks of the past a lot... but is just think and not lingering...
sweet sweet memories...

Doubt will have the courage to jio a girl again...
But must try... where/how do I start?
who?

Finally understand that ADMIRATION does not equals to LOVE...
how stupid was I?